I Am Here And This Is Here Too

When you are in a situation and feeling intensely or in the middle of an internal war of thought and worry it can feel all-consuming. It might feel as though the whole of you is trapped or stuck. You might be aware of how it goes around and around, repeating endlessly.

I have felt like this. In my case, anxiety would consume me. An anxiety attack. And, it was just that, an attack by many parts of me at war with one another. Each one was doing its best to protect and defend. Sticky, tight, closed-in, going round and round in an endless spiral of pent up emotion, feeling, and thought, I felt desperate and imprisoned.

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Perhaps you have felt something like this. You are wanting to get relief and feel better. What to do? Pause and bring your attention to your body. It doesn’t matter where you are. Start with really sensing your feet, pressing into the toes, the ball of foot, and heel and what they are touching. Ah, there they are. Sense how the floor or earth supports you up through your feet to your belly, stomach, chest, and throat. You might follow the energy with your attention as it enters the bottom of your feet and moves up through the legs to the hips, pelvis and buttocks and into that whole middle space of belly, stomach, chest, and throat. There you are.

Now, pause. A breath may come with the pause. That’s good. Just notice the breath. Notice the inhale and how it comes in and down through the nose, down the throat to chest and even beyond to the stomach and belly. And notice the pause at the end. That short moment of stillness. That’s the pause we are after, that short moment of stillness.

This is a good time to remind yourself by saying inwardly, gently and respectfully, “I am the space big enough for whatever needs my attention. Who is saying this? “This is your whole self, that self that is present, that can hold and open space, lots of space, for all those partial selves, parts of yourself, that are needing your attention.

Your whole self is here, aware and open. Now, you might invite whatever needs your attention to come forward or it may come flooding in with many voices, pictures, feeling states, and emotions vying with one another. Ah, how wonderful!  They are all here right now with you. This is is a gift.

Acknowledge each one with interest and curiosity. To the first one say, “Ah, I see you are here.” Acknowledge the second one, “Ah, hello. I see you are here, too. And both can be here.” And then acknowledge each additional one that comes by saying inwardly, “Ah, I see you are here, too. And, all can be here.”

This is what we mean when we say, “I am here and this is here, too.” Practice this. Pausing and bringing your awareness, your whole self, to what is needing your attention inside. And no matter how many parts come forward letting each one know that you are here and willing to listen to it. Ah, that feels better. Now space is opening inside just as the day opens to us.

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Something in Me Doesn’t Like Her (Him)

Something in me doesn’t like her (him, them). This part of me is feeling hurt and angry. Every time I think of her and what she did, my chest tightens. I sense a closing in. There is no room, no space. My breath stops. My ears ring and anger hisses hot like a steaming tea kettle. And, something else in me doesn’t like that I feel this way. They are both here with me now.

Perhaps you’ve experienced this feeling or something similar when dealing with a difficult person or group of people. It doesn’t feel good and there is a way forward. By being with and listening to each something or part, one at a time, the energy bound-up in your feeling and thinking body will release. As energy releases there is a breath, a sense of space, an ‘aha.’ Right steps emerge with this new life-forward energy.

A beautiful way to meet and be with these feelings in your body is with Lovingkindness meditation. You don’t need to be a meditation pro to do lovingkindness mediation. All you need is a quiet time and space. This meditation needn’t be long. Five minutes can suffice. Set a timer so you can forget about counting time.

Sit quietly, letting your body take a comfortable and upright position sitting on a chair or cushion or standing. Gently place your hands, one on each leg above the knee, or hanging softly from your arms at your sides if standing.

Focus your awareness taking a breath and inviting your intention to meet yourself as you are right now. Sense your body in the space around you. Close or softly focus the eyes. Sense your feet and hands and what they are touching. Sense the chair, cushion of floor supporting you and rest into that support if that feels right.  Now bring your awarenesss inside as you gently say to yourself, “I am the space big enough for whatever needs my attention.”

And repeat the following phrases enlarging the circle of compassionate kindness outward as far as your time permits:

May I be happy.

May I be free from suffering.

May I be full of peace and love.

May (Name of difficult person or group) be happy.

May (Name of difficult person or group) be free from suffering.

May (Name of difficult person or group)  be full of peace and love.

Continue repeating the phrases with a choice of others such as…

family members, naming each one

friends, naming each one

colleagues and co-workers naming each one

neutral people you meet in your day such as the grocery clerk, the bus driver, the toll taker, the restaurant server, the bank teller

other difficult people or groups by name

your community

groups suffering from devastation such as fire, earthquake, war

the homeless

those who are ill

all people in your town

all people in your state

all people in your country

all people on your continent

all people on the earth

all people above the earth

all people everywhere

As you recite the phrases bringing loving and kind wishes to each individual and group, your heart opens, your breath softens, energy releases and invigorates. There is a bodily reset and you find yourself moving forward in your life in a new and open way. Ah, it feels so much better.

“You’re No Good”

A voice inside is saying, ” You’re no good.” Pause and take that in. You might notice how you feel when you hear this.

You might feel that it’s true, that you’re no good. If this is what comes, now is a good time to sense your feet grounded on whatever they are touching, to feel your body supported by whatever you are sitting on, and to take a breath as you pause.

You might invite yourself to be curious, like a scientist or an explorer. You might even say to yourself, “This is so interesting. I am curious about it.”  Now, bring your attention to this something that says, “You are no good.”

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Sense how it is it right now inside your body, especially in that whole middle area of the body.  Inside you might feel tense, tight, narrow or some other way. Notice how that is.

You may notice this sense of constriction in some specific part of your body, perhaps in the throat, chest, or belly. Notice where it is. You might say to yourself, ‘I’m sensing something in my <part of body> that’s feeling <tight, constricted, or some or way> and it is saying, “You’re no good” <or whatever criticizing thing is saying>.”

Now, just as you might say hello to someone you pass on the street, you might say ‘hello’ to that something in you that is saying that you’re no good. You might say something like, “Oh, Hello, I see you are there.”

You might be thinking now, “Say hello? Don’t be ridiculous. This is just me, my mind. It’s is always saying things like this!  I just try to ignore it.”

But, rather than ignore it or push it away, you might just give this a try. Say ‘hello’. Now pause and feel how that is when you say hello. Maybe something relaxes or melts away or perhaps you sense it is wanting more of your attention. If that’s the case, bringing your awareness to it in a pleasant and nonjudgmental way is a good way to start to get to know it.

Letting it know that you know it is there is a first step to coming into a relationship with it, just as you might say hello to someone as a first step to beginning a conversation.

When you stop and pay attention you may notice that it’s not coming from inside your inner body. It may seem to come from just over there, outside your skin envelope, maybe a little to one side or the other or behind you. That’s OK. The body goes beyond the skin. It radiates out into its environment.

This something that is criticizing you, is just trying to protect you. It’s really afraid that something bad is going to happen to you. Remember when you were little and your mother would warn you that if you didn’t wear your coat when you went outside that you were going to get sick? This voice you hear is like your mother’s. It’s worried something is going to happen to you, so it says something bad to keep something bad from actually happening.  It is trying its best to protect you.

But guess what! Even though it is doing its best, it actually can’t protect you from anything. And, if you keep it company and listen to it like you would a friend, it will know that you can take care of yourself and it will relax, let go, and after awhile melt away.

Its releasing may not happen quickly. You may need to spend some time with it. If this feels like a big job, you can say to yourself. “There’s plenty of time. I am the space big enough for whatever needs my attention now.” And, if you need to bring your attention to other things in your life, you can let it know that you are willing to come back to it if it needs your attention. That way it knows that you’re not just trying to get rid of it. It can trust you.

Try this out the next time a voice inside is criticizing you and let me me know how it goes for you. I welcome your comments and questions.

Why Don’t You Eat A Cookie

I was deep in a Focusing session the other day, spending time with something in my lower belly that felt so young, alone and scared. I sensed that it was vulnerable and that I should go slowly and be very gentle. This something didn’t say anything but it showed me a small, wrinkly, brown nut-like thing. I could see that there was a lot of barren earth around it. I sensed what kind of contact it would like from me and it let me know that it was OK to just be there with it.

With this invitation to stay with it, I sensed how cold and alone it was and also that it would be Ok to observe it more closely. My gentle presence was with it more closely, almost as though I was looking at it through a magnifying glass. I noticed how furrowed one wrinkle was and how it appeared cracked and parched.

Just then as I was doing this something else popped up to the right side of my abdomen and outside my skin envelope. I sensed that even though it seemed to be outside my body, it was really in my body. It was in my energy body that extends just beyond the physical skin barrier.

I sensed it was very anxious and it said quickly, “Why don’t you eat a cookie.” I replied, “Oh, hello, I see you are there.”

It followed up, ” Just eat it.”

I mirrored back to it, “I’m sensing you’re saying, ‘Just eat it.’

“Come on. Just eat it. You’ll feel so much better.” I could really sense how anxious it was and how everything felt like it was speeding up. I noticed a churning in my belly like with a thick, harsh wooden paddle.

Caramel cream

Everything felt like it was both closing in and churning. The space felt tight and anxious and swallowed up. There was no getting out. Then it came to me that perhaps it might not even know that I, my larger, spacious self, was there. Perhaps my larger self had merged with it, so to speak, leaving no separation between it and me. So I sensed if that felt right. I invited it to let me know if it knew that I was there. No response, just the tight, anxious, tight churning. This was a wonderful discovery!

In Focusing it is important to be with, acknowledge and build a relationship with whatever is there needing our attention. When we merge with some part of us it is not possible to do this because there is no space between the something and us; there is no separation; we feel that we are the something.

So, I slowly felt my feet on the ground. I felt the backs of my legs, my buttocks, and my back in contact with the chair I was sitting on. I brought my awareness to these points of contact and noticed how the chair held my body. I kept my attention there for a time so I could really feel the support and allow my body to settle into it. I then brought my awareness to my breathing just as it was, noticing the in-breaths and out-breaths and the pauses in between. Then I brought my awareness inside my body and into that whole middle space that includes the chest, stomach, and belly. I took my time like I was arriving to some new place and looked around. And, as I did this I gently said inwardly, “I am the space big enough for whatever needs my attention now.” Then I brought my awareness to the space again. I could sense the space and how calm it was.  Then I sensed freshly in my body inviting what wanted to be known about “Eating a cookie”  and waited sensing if it was there or not, or if perhaps something different was there.

Perhaps you have had this experience. You feel you are the something that’s going on inside. You are the emotion. You are the reaction. Noticing this is a gift; it is a signal to step back and bring your awareness to your body in the space around you, to what is supporting your body, to your breathing. And then you respectfully bring your awareness inside your body, sensing that whole middle area and gently reminding yourself that you are the space big enough for whatever needs your attention right now. This is how you bring yourself into presence. When you are in presence you sense and say “hello,” be with, and build a relationship with whatever comes, no matter how it shows up. And, if and when you need to you replenish your presence of self, you take some time to do it gently and respectfully.

Presence

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Presence is the natural state of Self. Presence is simple, open, spacious, and alive. And, yet many of us are baffled by it. “How do I get it? we ask.” How can it be natural when I’ve spent my whole life wrapped up in my emotions, stories, and thoughts that keep me busy all day and, sometimes, all night, too?”

I invite you to view Eckhart Tolle  giving us his simple, lively, funny, and deep teaching about Presence at the Wisdom 2.0 Conference held February 14 – 16, 2014 in San Francisco. Click here for Presence with Eckhart Tolle

Enjoy!

Stuck?

What? You Suggest I Do What?

Invite in that stuck feeling.

You are suggesting I invite in this stuck feeling. Really?

Yes, invite it in. You’re wanting something in your life. You’re wanting to do something. It’s meaningful to you. And, yet, you don’t do it. Something is awry. Something feels stuck. Something is not wanting to do what you are wanting. Go ahead, invite it in and sense it freshly in your body right now.

Stuck

That’s right. Don’t shy away from it or push it away. That stuck feeling is here for some good reason. You can sense something there in your body. Maybe in your throat, or chest, or stomach/belly. Something is there in that middle space of your inner body. It is feeling stuck and needs to share with you. Go ahead. It’s there now. Say hello. Keep it company like you would a good friend.

All it is needing is a good listener, like you when you are in presence. It’s needing the company of your open, flowing, spacious and compassionate self.  That state of being that welcomes whatever comes.

You mean welcomes even that in me that feels horrible, stuck and painful? Do you really mean even that?

Yes, even that.  Your Self-in-Presence welcomes all that comes, says hello, and sits down with each one, listening deeply and acknowledging with deep empathy.

Ah, you say you’ve been listening.

That’s good.

And now what? What do I do now?

You might sense how it is feeling from its point of view. What it is not wanting for you. What’s it’s not wanting to happen to you and not wanting to you to feel.

OK, it’s letting me know how it is for it. It’s letting me know what it is not wanting for me.

Great. That’s right you’re listening deeply to it.

And, now what?

If it feels right, let it know that you can really sense how it is for it. You really get what it’s not wanting for you.

Ah, it’s changing now. It’s relaxing and there’s a breath. It is opening and flowing.

You might let that feeling of opening and flowing be there as fully as it wants.

Yes, it wants to be here. I’m enjoying it, actually.

That’s good. Steep in that feeling.

Ah, there is something more. It’s a sense of rightness.  A sense of the next right step to take. Yes, it is here, the next right step for me.

Wonderful. You might gather up that next right step and take it with you into your life.  And, perhaps also thank your body for sharing.

Your awareness expanding now to the world around you. And, off you go. Stuck no more.

Busy. Crazy Busy.

Crazy Busy Effect

“I’m Busy. Crazy Busy. And, how are you?”

Is this you? This used to be me; I remember a time when I was “busy, so busy, too busy, crazy busy.”  Too busy to notice the morning . Too busy to sit down for lunch. Too busy to see friends. Too busy to take a walk. Too busy to get needed sleep. Always too busy. Even when doing things like playing with kids or exercising which might have been relaxing, I felt so busy!

For a time, busy felt OK, like I was in the groove. Then slowly I sensed something off-kilter. Busy wasn’t feeling good. It kept feeling worse and worse.

Now, I see it’s not just us adults, it’s kids, too, college students, teens, even pre-schoolers. We schedule ourselves from early morning to evening. And, when asked, “How are you?” We reply, “Busy, crazy busy.” and how that is for us shows in our body language and facial expressions. We’re exhausted.

So, what’s going on here?

This busy-ness is our culture at work. Being busy is what we do to belong; to be part of our community. Imagine saying in the middle of the day at work, “I’m wanting some rest. I’m going to take a walk.” Most of us wouldn’t do it, or we wouldn’t say it even if that’s what we were going to do. Why? Because, “being busy” and “not taking time to rest in the middle of a busy day,” is our culture in play. I like this definition of culture that Mary Hendricks-Gendlin gives us. “Culture is the routine actions and feelings which a situation consists of.” And, “culture belongs ‘to all of us within the community.'”

It doesn’t have to be this way. Imagine feeling the rightness of taking some time every day to separate yourself from all the routine actions and feelings associated with ‘I’m busy.’ Imagine using that pause to sense the whole of your situation at that moment in order to feel the rightness of your action knowing and accepting that your right action may not be one prescribed by your culture. To be truly creative, innovative, open, and alive, we first need to pause the routine button.

Here’s how to pause.

  • Sitting comfortably let your body take its most comfortable position.  Any place where your body can be quiet for a few minutes is fine.
  • Close your eyes or lower your gaze, if that feels right.
  • Feel your hands, your fingers and fingertips and what they are touching. Now feel your feet. Perhaps wiggle your toes and feel how your feet feel alive.
  • Feel the contact of your body with the support beneath you. Maybe it is the chair you are sitting on. Notice how the support holds you. And, if it feels right rest into that support.
  • Sense your breathing, just the way it is. And, if it feels right take some deeper breaths.
  • Now bring your attention inside to your inner body. That’s right. Inside. Sense your throat. Sense your chest. Sense your stomach and belly. Sensing each inner place for how it is right now.
  • Now remember that whole thing of being so busy. That’s right the whole busy-ness situation. Now offer it an invitation, inviting it to come into your awareness. And sense how that whole busy-ness situation is right now in your body, probably in those places you were sensing before the throat, the chest, the stomach and belly.
  • Maybe something is there for your right now. If there is say “hello” to it and notice what happens.
  • Maybe you sense something but are unsure of what it is. Maybe you’re unsure anything is there.  That’s good, too. Just wait. Something will come. When it does sense if it would like a “hello” or maybe it would like some company, like you’d give a good friend. Hang out with it. It has something to share with you.

Joy and Sadness

Previously, we have explored the emotions of anger, fear, worry, and grief. Today, our topic is joy and sadness. Joy and sadness are about caring. When we get something we care about we experience joy. It may be a beautiful sunset, a longed-for treasure, a long-awaited goal, or a blossoming of heart-felt relationship. Joy resonates in the body as a twinkle in the eye, a blush upon the cheek, a smile on the lips. When we lose something we care about, something dear to us or our community, we experience sadness: The loss of friendship, opportunity, or treasures-of-the heart. Sadness resonates as a tear in the eye, a pallor to the cheek, down-turned lips.

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In traditional Chinese Five Element Theory, joy and sadness are the emotions related to the fire element which is expansive, upward in motion, and relates to heart energy.  Fire, symbolic of combustion, represents that fleeting moment of maximum activity followed by its falling away. From a physiological perspective, all emotions are electro-chemical signals that flow through us in an unending cycle. Every emotion is a specific signal asking us to focus, to collect information, and then to act accordingly.

Joy and sadness are related to heart. We talk about the joy in our hearts and our hearts breaking with sadness. Joy manifests in us as love, laughter, and enthusiasm and when balanced, we are able to give as well as receive warmth and delight in the company of others. Sadness manifests as a fall in energy, a momentary melancholy, and withdrawal away from others. Often when we are sad, a whimper or tears come.

In both the ancient and the modern Western traditions, when we are balanced, emotions move. So, too with joy and sadness. If stuck, too much joy manifests as always joking, laughing, and talking–always on without pause. And, when there is too much sadness we are in a state of helplessness and despair; continuously drained, down, melancholy, depressed.

Joy and sadness are associated with compassion. When we see suffering, we experience a twinge of sadness, a feeling of concern and connection, just before we feel a willingness to act. When suffering has been relieved we then experience a moment of joy. Often, sadness can get stuck in caregivers and others in the healing and humanitarian professions. This is because instead of letting go of the concern and connection they feel towards those they are helping, they get stuck in sadness; leading them to take on more responsibility than is reasonably theirs to bear. Sometimes, unable to shake their sadness, they opt instead instead to leave a profession they love. Seeing thousands of starving many children, they miss the joy of the ones whom they have fed and rather, focus on those they have been unable to reach.

What can we do when joy or sadness gets stuck? We can notice. Turning inward to our bodies, we can invite the whole thing about the joy or the sadness to come forward. We can make contact, acknowledge, and listen deeply as we keep whatever comes company. Just as clouds cannot be chased away; stuck joy or sadness can’t either. It is only by turning our attention to it, by saying “hello,” and by actively listening that we can once more live our life forward.

Healthy joy and sadness are like the clouds in the sky; they pass through leaving not a trace, and always there are more another day.

Danger! Threat! Fear!

Did you know that fear keeps us alive? It is essential to our survival. In the face of danger, we become afraid and parts of the brain activate the fight flight reaction.

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Both western science and ancient Chinese Five Element theory recognize fear as that emotion that helps keep us alive. In Five Element theory fear is associated with kidney energy or qi. Kidney qi is of a special type. It supports the body in reproducing, growing, and developing–the bodily life cycle. So, it is not surprising that fear works with kidney qi to keep us alive.

From a western scientific perspective, fear arises from a perceived threat and we experience the physiological response called fight flight or the stress response. Fear is an important element of fight flight because when we feel fear that’s a signal to us that we need to pay attention, not just react but really pay attention.  Here’s why. So important to our survival is fight flight that when a threat stimulus reaches the thalamus, its first processing point in the brain, the same stimulus takes two different processing paths. The short route is rough and fast. The long route brings in higher processing and is much more precise but is also slower.

The short and long processing works like this. Suppose we’re hiking through the woods and just up ahead, we see something. It looks like a long narrow shape coiled up on the path. The short route says, “Must be a snake!” “Snake,” says the amygdala, “I’ll tell the hypothalamus to turn on the stress response!” At the same time, the long route sends the information to the cortex for higher processing, “Wait a minute. It kind of looks like a snake but is it really?  No, it isn’t. It’s twisted woody vine.” But, let’s check in with explicit memory.” The explicit memory is consulted through the hippocampus. “This is twisted woody vine. I’ve seen this before.” Word is sent to the amygdala. “No snake! Just twisty woody vine.”  The message is received and more messages tell the nervous system to reset.

The fight flight response causes physiological changes in our body via the sympathetic branch of the autonomic nervous system. These include elevations in perspiration and heart and respiratory rates. It makes sense. If we’re going fight or flee, we need muscle power and that means we’d better have oxygen and blood flow going to the muscles so we can punch harder or run faster. “Snake! Run!”

At the same time that the sympathetic nervous system is ramping up glucose production, it is also making other less noticeable but just as important physiological changes in the body. The pupils dilate, blood is drawn away from the skin to the muscles alas the saying, “white as a sheet,” when someone is really afraid. Parasympathetic modulated responses such as digestion and large intestine and bladder functions cease. The body is so focused on fight or flight that the bowel and bladder may even empty spontaneously.

When  a threat presents itself, fear arises and the stress response system turns on. When the danger passes, our fear evaporates and the nervous system shakes off the stress response by re-balancing its sympathetic and para-sympathetic branches. Animals in the wild literally shake all over once danger has passed.

But what happens when our nervous system isn’t able to shake it off? This happens when one perceived threat is followed by another one before the nervous system has had time to reset. This is the dilemma of our modern life. The dangers and threats we face are not tigers looking for their next meal and usually, not even snakes in our path. We face a plethora of perceived dangers often driven by our own thoughts. We are afraid of not having enough of what it takes to meet the challenge that lies ahead. Perhaps we are afraid we can’t complete or achieve that which we aspire to or that we are inadequately prepared for what we might be asked to do. “Will I get laid off?” “Is this relationship going to fall apart?” ” What’s going to happen at work today? Will my project get approved?” “Do I have enough money to pay the mortgage this month?”  These are all survival fears! And, one after another they arise without ever giving our bodies time to reset. The result? We live in a state of fear and physiological stress. It takes its toll on our health and well-being. Our kidney qi gets zapped.

If we don’t do something non-stop fight flight or stress response can turn from something that saves us into something that kills us. What can we do?

We can pause. Remember that when  a threat appears, we feel fear and the brain processes it both on a short,  fast track and on a long, slow tract. The fast track processing gives a quick and rough appraisal to the amygdala, “Ah, it looks like a threat. Better to act now than be sorry.”  But, if we pause, we allow the long tract enough time to process. The higher processing of the cortex and explicit memory via the hippocampus can weigh in. Is this really a threat? No, it isn’t. The body can relax.

Our fear is a signal. It is a signal to pause and bring our awareness inside to the whole thing about the perceived threat.  We can make contact with it by saying, I’m sensing something in me that’s really afraid … .” We can acknowledge it by saying, “Hello, I see you’re there.” We can keep it company with interested curiosity and when it is ready to tell us something, we can listen mindfully, with our full attention, non-judgementally and with compassion.  We can ask, “What is this wanting to happen?” or “What is this not wanting to happen?” This practice of pausing with awareness can save our lives. It can keep the fight flight, stress response at an appropriate level. Turned on when necessary; turned off when not. It can keep our body mind in balance, healthy and well.

Worried Sick?

Worry, like anger, joy/sadness, grief, and fear is a natural emotion. For thousands of years, we have recognized the energy of worry as that energy which triggers thinking. The feelings of worry–uneasiness and concern– move us to think how to satisfy the worry.

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In its natural form, worry is healthy. And like all healthy emotions worry moves.  Worry moves us to think. Thinking moves us to a solution. Then worry releases leaving as naturally as it arrived in us. This movement from worry to thinking to solution is something we do every day.

Suppose that we live by a river. In the spring, we notice that the rains swell the river.  Sometimes the river becomes so full, it overflows its banks. Our house is right there and we notice that when the river overflows, the water approaches our house. We notice that it comes close, just to the border of our garden.

Now, worry arises in us. We worry that the water could flood the house! So what happens? Our worry leads us to think how to protect our house. “What can we do to protect the house from being flooded by the river’s waters?” We ask ourselves. “Ah, we can bring sand bags to protect the house; or we can put the house on stilts; or we can work with others in the community to build a higher levee to protect our homes.”

Our thinking gives us options;  we have three here already. It also helps us to see which one fits best. Ah, sandbags seem best. We discover that the city stocks them every year for residents just like us. We make note of where the city stockpiles are and how to get there on several different routes. We note that the sandbags are within five minutes of our house. Deep breath. We have a solution and a plan to implement it. No more worry.

But suppose instead of leading us to this kind of constructive thinking, our worry leads us into a negative kind of thinking–a circular and repetitive thinking that feeds upon itself. If instead of problem-solving thinking, we careen off into this negative kind of rumination, we might think like this.

“There’s nothing I can do to stop the river from flooding. This is futile. What do I do if the water starts rising. What if I can’t get away from the water. What if the water ruins all my belongings. I have no place to go. I am alone. What do I do if the river floods? I can’t stop it. I’m alone. What do I do? I’ll lose everything.”

And, so on and on in a circle that traps the worry and gives rise to a sense of hopelessness and isolation. We become depressed; everything seems dark and flat and negative. No matter which way we turn we end up in the same place, in the same circular pattern.

From time to time, we all may find ourselves slipping into negative rumination. Then we catch it!  But, if we don’t it becomes oppressive. We feel trapped. Worry is now a concern because it leads not to problem solving but to negative, circular thinking that makes us sick.

The expression, “I’m worried sick,” comes from our collective human experience of worry gone awry. We become anxious, depressed, isolated. We stop caring about our lives; we refuse to see our friends. Stuck worry makes us sick and we suffer.

So what can we do? We can bring awareness to our worry and then turn to our body, sensing and accepting what comes. We can acknowledge it, keep it company and listen compassionately without judging.

“How does one do this?” We may be asking. Mindfulness meditation, BodyTalk, and Focusing  are three practices that help us to do this. In all three  we focus our attention, receive what comes compassionately, and acknowledge non-judgmentally.