Do This. Get That.

Posted on October 6, 2015 by Mary Slocum

Have you noticed how many “Do this. Get that.” prescriptions vie for our attention every day? In ads, articles, and books; on blogs and in social media. How often do we say to ourselves, “If only I would do such-and-such, I would be happier, feel better, be more successful, have more friends and followers, or fill in the blank with your own “would be ______.”

It feels like a cultural epidemic. Even in publications that embrace mindfulness, we constantly hear about how meditation makes us more kind, less stressed, smarter, healthier, more tolerant, better at our jobs, in school, at home, and with our children. Meditate. Get healthy. Meditate. Be more successful at work. Meditate do better at school. Meditate. Get _____. (You fill in the blank.)

It isn’t that mindfulness doesn’t help us open to our happiness, look with fresh eyes, be present and live acceptingly in the moment. Being mindful and cultivating mindfulness with meditation is about process. It is about the doing, not the getting. Even when we mediate every day, everyday life goes on, good and bad things happen, and new and tough situations arise. Mindfulness is about the very process of being with ourselves, with others, and with our environment.

How about just sitting and breathing with no more intention than to sit, breathe, pay attention, and when the mind wanders to return to paying attention? How about giving up all the objectives and throwing the promises out the door. How about just sitting with pinpoint focus on the breath and nothing more? You just might be amazed.

A Very Difficult Person

Posted on September 28, 2015 by Mary Slocum

Perhaps there is someone in your life whose actions and or words you find difficult, perhaps very difficult. If this feels right, you might do the following. Taking a few minutes gather together a piece of paper and a pen. Now, find a quiet place where you can sit and write.

Sitting, let your body take its most comfortable position. Feel your feet and what they are touching. Sense the seat beneath you and how it supports you. Notice your hands and what they are touching, how they, perhaps, hold the pen and the paper, too.

Now write the person’s name at the top of the paper. Perhaps the person’s name is Jane. Write ‘Jane’ at the top of the paper.

Now bring your awareness to your breath. Just the way it is. Breathing in, pausing, breathing out just breathing as it is right now. No need to change it. If it feels right take a deeper breath.

Now bring your awareness inside your body to your inner knowing of what feels right for you. Take your time. Sense your more spacious and whole self arriving inside. As you do, you might become aware of something in the throat, chest, stomach or belly, or somewhere else. Just notice what’s alive for you right now and acknowledge that it is here.

Now bring your awareness to what’s difficult about this person and invite it to be present. You might say to yourself, “I’m inviting that whole thing about [name of person] and [describe briefly in a couple of words the difficulty]. Here’s an example. “I’m inviting that whole thing about Jane and how she treated me in the meeting to be here now.”

Acknowledge what comes. It might be a picture, video, feeling or emotion. Whatever comes acknowledge it gently with respect and empathy. You might say something to yourself like, “Ah, hello, I see you are/it is here.”

Now, taking your time, invite three good qualities of this difficult person to come forward. You might say. “I’m inviting three good qualities of Jane to make themselves known.” Perhaps only one or two good qualities will come forward. That’s OK, too. Write each one down. Even if there is only one good quality, write that down on the piece of paper under the name of the person.

When you have finished writing, put the pen down. If it feels right take a breath, feel your feet and hands and what they are touching. Feel the support of what you are sitting on beneath you.

Read the first good quality to yourself. Now, sense how that good quality feels in your body. Let that feeling be there as fully as it wants to be. Now read the second good quality and sense it in your body letting it be there as fully as it wants. Now do the same for the third quality. Notice how your body feels now. Perhaps something has changed. Perhaps there is more space or a flowing or lightness. Just notice.

Seeing the good in someone, even in a difficult person, doesn’t hurt and can help you feel good, too.

Something in Me Doesn’t Like Her (Him)

Posted on September 21, 2015 by Mary Slocum

Something in me doesn’t like her (him, them). This part of me is feeling hurt and angry. Every time I think of her and what she did, my chest tightens. I sense a closing in. There is no room, no space. My breath stops. My ears ring and anger hisses hot like a steaming tea kettle. And, something else in me doesn’t like that I feel this way. They are both here with me now.

Perhaps you’ve experienced this feeling or something similar when dealing with a difficult person or group of people. It doesn’t feel good and there is a way forward. By being with and listening to each something or part, one at a time, the energy bound-up in your feeling and thinking body will release. As energy releases there is a breath, a sense of space, an ‘aha.’ Right steps emerge with this new life-forward energy.

A beautiful way to meet and be with these feelings in your body is with Lovingkindness meditation. You don’t need to be a meditation pro to do lovingkindness mediation. All you need is a quiet time and space. This meditation needn’t be long. Five minutes can suffice. Set a timer so you can forget about counting time.

Sit quietly, letting your body take a comfortable and upright position sitting on a chair or cushion or standing. Gently place your hands, one on each leg above the knee, or hanging softly from your arms at your sides if standing.

Focus your awareness taking a breath and inviting your intention to meet yourself as you are right now. Sense your body in the space around you. Close or softly focus the eyes. Sense your feet and hands and what they are touching. Sense the chair, cushion of floor supporting you and rest into that support if that feels right. Now bring your awarenesss inside as you gently say to yourself, “I am the space big enough for whatever needs my attention.”

And repeat the following phrases enlarging the circle of compassionate kindness outward as far as your time permits:

May I be happy.

May I be free from suffering.

May I be full of peace and love.

May (Name of difficult person or group) be happy.

May (Name of difficult person or group) be free from suffering.

May (Name of difficult person or group) be full of peace and love.

Continue repeating the phrases with a choice of others such as…

family members, naming each one

friends, naming each one

colleagues and co-workers naming each one

neutral people you meet in your day such as the grocery clerk, the bus driver, the toll taker, the restaurant server, the bank teller

other difficult people or groups by name

your community

groups suffering from devastation such as fire, earthquake, war

the homeless

those who are ill

all people in your town

all people in your state

all people in your country

all people on your continent

all people on the earth

all people above the earth

all people everywhere

As you recite the phrases bringing loving and kind wishes to each individual and group, your heart opens, your breath softens, energy releases and invigorates. There is a bodily reset and you find yourself moving forward in your life in a new and open way. Ah, it feels so much better.

“You’re No Good”

Posted on January 27, 2015 by Mary Slocum

A voice inside is saying, ” You’re no good.” Pause and take that in. You might notice how you feel when you hear this.

You might feel that it’s true, that you’re no good. If this is what comes, now is a good time to sense your feet grounded on whatever they are touching, to feel your body supported by whatever you are sitting on, and to take a breath as you pause.

You might invite yourself to be curious, like a scientist or an explorer. You might even say to yourself, “This is so interesting. I am curious about it.” Now, bring your attention to this something that says, “You are no good.”

Sense how it is it right now inside your body, especially in that whole middle area of the body. Inside you might feel tense, tight, narrow or some other way. Notice how that is.

You may notice this sense of constriction in some specific part of your body, perhaps in the throat, chest, or belly. Notice where it is. You might say to yourself, ‘I’m sensing something in my <part of body> that’s feeling <tight, constricted, or some or way> and it is saying, “You’re no good” <or whatever criticizing thing is saying>.”

Now, just as you might say hello to someone you pass on the street, you might say ‘hello’ to that something in you that is saying that you’re no good. You might say something like, “Oh, Hello, I see you are there.”

You might be thinking now, “Say hello? Don’t be ridiculous. This is just me, my mind. It’s is always saying things like this! I just try to ignore it.”

But, rather than ignore it or push it away, you might just give this a try. Say ‘hello’. Now pause and feel how that is when you say hello. Maybe something relaxes or melts away or perhaps you sense it is wanting more of your attention. If that’s the case, bringing your awareness to it in a pleasant and nonjudgmental way is a good way to start to get to know it.

Letting it know that you know it is there is a first step to coming into a relationship with it, just as you might say hello to someone as a first step to beginning a conversation.

When you stop and pay attention you may notice that it’s not coming from inside your inner body. It may seem to come from just over there, outside your skin envelope, maybe a little to one side or the other or behind you. That’s OK. The body goes beyond the skin. It radiates out into its environment.

This something that is criticizing you, is just trying to protect you. It’s really afraid that something bad is going to happen to you. Remember when you were little and your mother would warn you that if you didn’t wear your coat when you went outside that you were going to get sick? This voice you hear is like your mother’s. It’s worried something is going to happen to you, so it says something bad to keep something bad from actually happening. It is trying its best to protect you.

But guess what! Even though it is doing its best, it actually can’t protect you from anything. And, if you keep it company and listen to it like you would a friend, it will know that you can take care of yourself and it will relax, let go, and after awhile melt away.

Its releasing may not happen quickly. You may need to spend some time with it. If this feels like a big job, you can say to yourself. “There’s plenty of time. I am the space big enough for whatever needs my attention now.” And, if you need to bring your attention to other things in your life, you can let it know that you are willing to come back to it if it needs your attention. That way it knows that you’re not just trying to get rid of it. It can trust you.

Try this out the next time a voice inside is criticizing you and let me me know how it goes for you. I welcome your comments and questions.

On Autopilot?

Posted on January 6, 2015 by Mary Slocum

Mostly, we go about our day on autopilot. It makes sense that we do not consciously have to decide moment-by-moment, what next. We just do what we do. Every day, we get up, get dressed, brush our teeth, wash our faces, get our kids off to school, go to work, eat, drive, and so on without thinking about what we are doing.

This is not a bad thing. Imagine the effort we would expend to consciously and repeatedly make the same decisions and navigate the same minutia of the same activities day after day. Perhaps exhausting.

On the other hand, when on autopilot we cannot savor what is right here, right now for us; we are not fully present and alive. We might be missing feeling the joy of even the simplest activity. Or, we might be missing something that some part of us might be trying to tell or show us.

What? you might be asking. Who cares! And, you might also be sensing some budding curiosity in discovering what might come forward by spending a little time with something that doesn’t seem to need any attention at all.

How about bringing your full attention to some routine activity: Brushing your teeth, drinking a coffee or eating a doughnut or bowl of cereal, getting dressed, or driving to work?

Exploring bringing your awareness to something simple that we all do, like brushing our teeth, is a good place to start. Let’s do it.

Notice how you pick up the brush, apply the toothpaste, and turn on the water. Really pay attention as you hold the brush. Be aware of which hand and kind of grip you use. Sense how it feels to hold the brush. Now, squeeze the toothpaste onto the brush. What do you see? How would you describe the toothpaste going onto to the brush? And, the water? What do you notice?

Now bring your attention to brushing your teeth. Notice your stroke. Maybe you go up-and-down, side-to-side, round-and-round or some other combination of moves. Sense what it feels like as the brush contacts the the teeth and gums. Notice the texture of the toothpaste mixing with your saliva and how it tastes. What’s your tongue doing? Do you swallow? Tune into how it feels inside, in your body. Be aware of looking in the mirror and how that is. Notice when you decide to stop brushing and how that feels.

Be aware of how you finish up. Perhaps you rinse your mouth, or not. Notice each step you take to clean and put away the brush. Notice your hands and how they feel as you do this.

Perhaps take a moment now and reflect. How was this different from brushing on autopilot? You might be surprised. Welcome whatever comes to you.

Perhaps your senses of taste, sight, touch, hearing, and smell have woken up. How was that? Maybe you noticed something you enjoyed or something that felt unpleasant. Take a few moments to describe what has come for you.

If something pleasurable is there, take your time and let it be there as fully as it wants to be. Now sense how that feels inside, in your body, having done that.

Perhaps it has brought forward something that is wanting your attention, something that doesn’t feel quite right, stuck, painful, or out-of-place. It might have come as a feeling, a memory, an image, or a story. Check that out and see if something like that is there for you. If it is, you might say hello to it and let it know that you are willing to come back to it and spend time with it. Now notice how doing that feels inside.

This is it. Even the simplest, most routine and mundane activity is alive for us when we pay attention. And, by paying attention what springs forward may be pleasant and flowing and/or open us to something in us that given our compassionate attention and active listening moves us forward in our lives with just rightness.

Why Don’t You Eat A Cookie

Posted on October 15, 2014 by Mary Slocum

I was deep in a Focusing session the other day, spending time with something in my lower belly that felt so young, alone and scared. I sensed that it was vulnerable and that I should go slowly and be very gentle. This something didn’t say anything but it showed me a small, wrinkly, brown nut-like thing. I could see that there was a lot of barren earth around it. I sensed what kind of contact it would like from me and it let me know that it was OK to just be there with it.

With this invitation to stay with it, I sensed how cold and alone it was and also that it would be Ok to observe it more closely. My gentle presence was with it more closely, almost as though I was looking at it through a magnifying glass. I noticed how furrowed one wrinkle was and how it appeared cracked and parched.

Just then as I was doing this something else popped up to the right side of my abdomen and outside my skin envelope. I sensed that even though it seemed to be outside my body, it was really in my body. It was in my energy body that extends just beyond the physical skin barrier.

I sensed it was very anxious and it said quickly, “Why don’t you eat a cookie.” I replied, “Oh, hello, I see you are there.”

It followed up, ” Just eat it.”

I mirrored back to it, “I’m sensing you’re saying, ‘Just eat it.’

“Come on. Just eat it. You’ll feel so much better.” I could really sense how anxious it was and how everything felt like it was speeding up. I noticed a churning in my belly like with a thick, harsh wooden paddle.

Everything felt like it was both closing in and churning. The space felt tight and anxious and swallowed up. There was no getting out. Then it came to me that perhaps it might not even know that I, my larger, spacious self, was there. Perhaps my larger self had merged with it, so to speak, leaving no separation between it and me. So I sensed if that felt right. I invited it to let me know if it knew that I was there. No response, just the tight, anxious, tight churning. This was a wonderful discovery!

In Focusing it is important to be with, acknowledge and build a relationship with whatever is there needing our attention. When we merge with some part of us it is not possible to do this because there is no space between the something and us; there is no separation; we feel that we are the something.

So, I slowly felt my feet on the ground. I felt the backs of my legs, my buttocks, and my back in contact with the chair I was sitting on. I brought my awareness to these points of contact and noticed how the chair held my body. I kept my attention there for a time so I could really feel the support and allow my body to settle into it. I then brought my awareness to my breathing just as it was, noticing the in-breaths and out-breaths and the pauses in between. Then I brought my awareness inside my body and into that whole middle space that includes the chest, stomach, and belly. I took my time like I was arriving to some new place and looked around. And, as I did this I gently said inwardly, “I am the space big enough for whatever needs my attention now.” Then I brought my awareness to the space again. I could sense the space and how calm it was. Then I sensed freshly in my body inviting what wanted to be known about “Eating a cookie” and waited sensing if it was there or not, or if perhaps something different was there.

Perhaps you have had this experience. You feel you are the something that’s going on inside. You are the emotion. You are the reaction. Noticing this is a gift; it is a signal to step back and bring your awareness to your body in the space around you, to what is supporting your body, to your breathing. And then you respectfully bring your awareness inside your body, sensing that whole middle area and gently reminding yourself that you are the space big enough for whatever needs your attention right now. This is how you bring yourself into presence. When you are in presence you sense and say “hello,” be with, and build a relationship with whatever comes, no matter how it shows up. And, if and when you need to you replenish your presence of self, you take some time to do it gently and respectfully.

An Important Discovery – The Felt Sense

Posted on September 30, 2014 by Mary Slocum

At one time or another you may have experienced something like this in your body: A vague physical feeling that comes in response to some situation or aspect of your life. Perhaps it has come as “something in my chest that feels really tight like a drum,” or as “a hard knot in my stomach,” or “as a big lump in my throat.” Perhaps it has come in some other way. The ways that it can show itself are endless.

Perhaps you are saying, “Yes, I’ve felt something like that.” Perhaps you are curious now and are wondering what it is all about. Or perhaps you say, “So what!”

If you’ve felt something like this before then you are on the brink of discovery. And, if you haven’t you are also right there, too. You just need to turn your attention inside and sense how your life is going right now and wait for something to show you in your body. Your attention might be drawn to some situation or activity.

For example:

You might sense how it is going with friends. Perhaps a friend has canceled an outing you were looking forward to or something else is going on right now.

Or you might sense how it is going with your children. Maybe your child has just shouted, “Leave me alone! I hate you.”

At work, perhaps another colleague, and not you, has received acknowledgement for a project you worked very hard on.

Or perhaps there is something that you are wanting to do and for some reason you don’t do it.

These are some examples of how your life may be going right now. You may feel bad in some way or that something is not just right about a situation. And that vague, unclear feeling that feels “like a metal ball in my belly” is part of you that is wanting your attention about all that.

So bring your attention inside your body to that rich middle area that includes the throat, the chest, stomach, and belly. Sense inside your body for that vague, physical feeling. When you sense it, say hello to it. Let it know that you know it is there. And then, once again sense how it feels in your body. You might notice a little shift or you might notice that it is wanting some company. If it is wanting some company stay with it listening deeply. It may share more with you.

What you have discovered is the felt sense. It is something to welcome. It is something that we all have! It is like a lamp at the entrance of a dark alley. It is something that draws our attention and guides our awareness. Getting to know our felt senses is how we can tap into what is important for us in our lives. Stay tuned for more.

Presence

Posted on February 20, 2014 by Mary Slocum

Presence is the natural state of Self. Presence is simple, open, spacious, and alive. And, yet many of us are baffled by it. “How do I get it? we ask.” How can it be natural when I’ve spent my whole life wrapped up in my emotions, stories, and thoughts that keep me busy all day and, sometimes, all night, too?”

I invite you to view Eckhart Tolle giving us his simple, lively, funny, and deep teaching about Presence at the Wisdom 2.0 Conference held February 14 – 16, 2014 in San Francisco. Click here for Presence with Eckhart Tolle

Enjoy!

Stuck?

Posted on October 16, 2013 by Mary Slocum

What? You Suggest I Do What?

Invite in that stuck feeling.

You are suggesting I invite in this stuck feeling. Really?

Yes, invite it in. You’re wanting something in your life. You’re wanting to do something. It’s meaningful to you. And, yet, you don’t do it. Something is awry. Something feels stuck. Something is not wanting to do what you are wanting. Go ahead, invite it in and sense it freshly in your body right now.

That’s right. Don’t shy away from it or push it away. That stuck feeling is here for some good reason. You can sense something there in your body. Maybe in your throat, or chest, or stomach/belly. Something is there in that middle space of your inner body. It is feeling stuck and needs to share with you. Go ahead. It’s there now. Say hello. Keep it company like you would a good friend.

All it is needing is a good listener, like you when you are in presence. It’s needing the company of your open, flowing, spacious and compassionate self. That state of being that welcomes whatever comes.

You mean welcomes even that in me that feels horrible, stuck and painful? Do you really mean even that?

Yes, even that. Your Self-in-Presence welcomes all that comes, says hello, and sits down with each one, listening deeply and acknowledging with deep empathy.

Ah, you say you’ve been listening.

That’s good.

And now what? What do I do now?

You might sense how it is feeling from its point of view. What it is not wanting for you. What’s it’s not wanting to happen to you and not wanting to you to feel.

OK, it’s letting me know how it is for it. It’s letting me know what it is not wanting for me.

Great. That’s right you’re listening deeply to it.

And, now what?

If it feels right, let it know that you can really sense how it is for it. You really get what it’s not wanting for you.

Ah, it’s changing now. It’s relaxing and there’s a breath. It is opening and flowing.

You might let that feeling of opening and flowing be there as fully as it wants.

Yes, it wants to be here. I’m enjoying it, actually.

That’s good. Steep in that feeling.

Ah, there is something more. It’s a sense of rightness. A sense of the next right step to take. Yes, it is here, the next right step for me.

Wonderful. You might gather up that next right step and take it with you into your life. And, perhaps also thank your body for sharing.

Your awareness expanding now to the world around you. And, off you go. Stuck no more.

Busy. Crazy Busy.

Posted on October 6, 2013 by Mary Slocum

“I’m Busy. Crazy Busy. And, how are you?”

Is this you? This used to be me; I remember a time when I was “busy, so busy, too busy, crazy busy.” Too busy to notice the morning . Too busy to sit down for lunch. Too busy to see friends. Too busy to take a walk. Too busy to get needed sleep. Always too busy. Even when doing things like playing with kids or exercising which might have been relaxing, I felt so busy!

For a time, busy felt OK, like I was in the groove. Then slowly I sensed something off-kilter. Busy wasn’t feeling good. It kept feeling worse and worse.

Now, I see it’s not just us adults, it’s kids, too, college students, teens, even pre-schoolers. We schedule ourselves from early morning to evening. And, when asked, “How are you?” We reply, “Busy, crazy busy.” and how that is for us shows in our body language and facial expressions. We’re exhausted.

So, what’s going on here?

This busy-ness is our culture at work. Being busy is what we do to belong; to be part of our community. Imagine saying in the middle of the day at work, “I’m wanting some rest. I’m going to take a walk.” Most of us wouldn’t do it, or we wouldn’t say it even if that’s what we were going to do. Why? Because, “being busy” and “not taking time to rest in the middle of a busy day,” is our culture in play. I like this definition of culture that Mary Hendricks-Gendlin gives us. “Culture is the routine actions and feelings which a situation consists of.” And, “culture belongs ‘to all of us within the community.'”

It doesn’t have to be this way. Imagine feeling the rightness of taking some time every day to separate yourself from all the routine actions and feelings associated with ‘I’m busy.’ Imagine using that pause to sense the whole of your situation at that moment in order to feel the rightness of your action knowing and accepting that your right action may not be one prescribed by your culture. To be truly creative, innovative, open, and alive, we first need to pause the routine button.

Here’s how to pause.

Sitting comfortably let your body take its most comfortable position. Any place where your body can be quiet for a few minutes is fine.

Close your eyes or lower your gaze, if that feels right.

Feel your hands, your fingers and fingertips and what they are touching. Now feel your feet. Perhaps wiggle your toes and feel how your feet feel alive.

Feel the contact of your body with the support beneath you. Maybe it is the chair you are sitting on. Notice how the support holds you. And, if it feels right rest into that support.

Sense your breathing, just the way it is. And, if it feels right take some deeper breaths.

Now bring your attention inside to your inner body. That’s right. Inside. Sense your throat. Sense your chest. Sense your stomach and belly. Sensing each inner place for how it is right now.

Now remember that whole thing of being so busy. That’s right the whole busy-ness situation. Now offer it an invitation, inviting it to come into your awareness. And sense how that whole busy-ness situation is right now in your body, probably in those places you were sensing before the throat, the chest, the stomach and belly.

Maybe something is there for your right now. If there is say “hello” to it and notice what happens.

Maybe you sense something but are unsure of what it is. Maybe you’re unsure anything is there. That’s good, too. Just wait. Something will come. When it does sense if it would like a “hello” or maybe it would like some company, like you’d give a good friend. Hang out with it. It has something to share with you.

The Centered Body Mind

Category Archives: Health and well-being