The Swinging Door

Posted on December 14, 2011 by Mary Slocum

When I was a university student I was introduced to Zen Buddhism by way of Alan Watts and Shunryu Suzuki. Of all my reading, my most favorite on the subject then and now, is Suzuki’s Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind. Lately I have taken to picking it up and opening the pages to see where I land. The other day I landed at the swinging door. I held the swinging door in focus during my morning meditation and found it most agreeable. The breeze of breath swung the door this way and that. It rippled and shone and seemed to be like a river gently flowing here and there over pebbles and branches.

…When we inhale, the air comes into the inner world. When we exhale, the air goes out into the outer world. The inner world is limitless. We say “inner world” or “outer world,” but actually there is just one whole world. In this limitless world, our throat is like a swinging door. In this limitless world, our throat is like a swinging door. The air comes in and goes out like someone passing through a swinging door. If you think, “I breathe,” the “I” is extra. There is no you to say “I.” What we call “I” is just a swinging door which moves when we inhale and when we exhale. It just moves; that is all. When your mind is pure and calm enough to follow this movement, there is nothing: no “I,” no world, no mind or body; just a swinging door.

(Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, Shambhala Publications, 2011)

A swinging door, a flowing river, a breath of fresh air.

Feeling Happy When We Don’t Get What We Want

Posted on December 6, 2011 by Mary Slocum

In this Ted Talk, psychologist Dan Gilbert talks about feeling happy even when things don’t go as planned and teaches us how we do it by using our “psychological immune system,” or our ability to make happiness.

In explaining how we synthesize happiness, he shows us how “impact bias” makes us believe different outcomes are more different than they are. Ponder this. One year out, Paraplegics and lottery winners have the same amount of happiness.

Curious? This video runs about twenty minutes. Dive in. You’ll laugh and you’ll learn how we are built for happiness even when we are stuck. On a mobile device? Watch Dan’s Ted Talk here: http://www.ted.com/talks/dan_gilbert_asks_why_are_we_happy.html

The Empty Boat

Posted on November 29, 2011 by Mary Slocum

Floating across the river in your boat, you are carefully avoiding hidden obstacles, other boats, and too shallow water when, BAM! another boat rams you. Your anger flashes; your heart pumps faster. You jump up and yell, “You stupid blankity-blank so-and-so!” You shake your fist and stamp your foot. You call out for the other boatman to show himself so you can tell him a thing or two. But, no one emerges. There is no other boatman; the boat is empty. It has slipped its mooring and floats without control. There is no one to be angry with; no one to curse. Realizing this, your fist unclenches and drops to your side. Still muttering under your breath, though, because you believe it would have been so much better if there had been someone there to be angry with, you go on your way.

This is my reading of the Empty Boat story from the Taoist tradition. If it peaks your interest you can read it and others in the book, The Way of Chuang Tzu (New Directions books, 1997) compiled by Thomas Merton in the 20th century. Most likely written around 250 B.C., it is a powerful and timeless teaching that we can apply to our own experience.

“Well, what’s the point of the story?” You ask. John Welwood in his book, Perfect Love, Imperfect Realtionships (Trumpeter Books, 2006), has a helpful explanation that resonates for us. He says, ” The point of the story is that the parents who didn’t see [us], the kids who teased [us] as a child, the driver who aggressively tailgated [us] yesterday–are in fact all empty, rudderless boats. They were compulsively driven to act as they did by their own unexamined wounds; therefore they did not know what they were doing and had little control over it.” [page 89, Kindle edition]

You may think, “So what. What’s that got to do with me?”

These parents, siblings, friends, bosses, and strangers, among others, these empty boats ramming into us with their unkindnesses, their neglect, and their hurtful actions are driven not out of need to hurt us but out of their own unconscious pain–all the hurt, the woundings, they, themselves, have received along the way. When we react with anger, or jealousy, vindictiveness, or defensive stonewalling we do so because of our own grievances, our own pasts, our own experience with people who have hurt and neglected us.

You may say, “Well, of course. I can’t let someone hurt me. I have to stand up for myself. I have to protect myself. I have to survive.”

In answer, Wellwood responds that until we realize that these are just empty boats we remain tied to our own grievance and pain and suffering and this binding keeps us “from opening up to the more powerful currents of life and love that are always flowing through the present moment.”

So what can we do?

We can not take it personally. After all, the hurt, the unkindness was not meant for us even though it has rammed into us. Not taking it personally is compassionate: we have recognized suffering (the suffering of the person who has rammed into us), we have felt for a moment the pain of that suffering (that we too suffer, but have not let that acknowledgement cause us to suffer more), and we have acted to relieve the suffering (in the other person and in ourselves by not retaliating or reacting angrily, or jealously or whatever.)

We have given everyone space. We can relax and breathe fully. Psychologically, this relief quiets our minds. Physiologically, we can protect ourselves from the incessant turning on of the stress-response in our bodies that over times wrecks havoc with our health leading us to suffer all sorts of maladies and disease.

The next time, someone, anyone, hurts us, neglects us, lashes out at us, or acts unkindly, we can say, “Ah, just an empty boat” as we take a few slow deep breaths letting the exhale last longer than the inhale so our parasympathetic nervous systems have time to turn on a sense of calm within us.

Thoughts

Posted on November 24, 2011 by Mary Slocum

Thoughts. Where do they come from? Where do they go? And what leads one to another? Why do they keep appearing and dissolving? Why do they never stop? What’s the mechanism producing this constant rising and falling away? It’s not as though we can point to any place in the brain and say, “This is where it all happens!”

Some thoughts rise up out of memories, some appear out of thin air, and others pop into our consciousness in an “aha moment.” When we are solving a problem, we use the power of our brains, in particular, the frontal cortex, to “think.” We analyze, relate, and create. But, what about other times when unorganized and disconnected thoughts tumble into our consciousness? Perhaps we’re just having a cup of coffee and looking at the leaves falling from the tree outside the window. Thoughts come any way. Perhaps at this moment they arise from memories of other trees or other cups of coffee or perhaps not. Thoughts about the dirty dishes left in the sink or a friend who hasn’t returned a text message we sent him may take us far away from the cup of coffee and leaves falling from the tree.

Sometimes a thought appears because we’re on the same wavelength with another person. We pick up information (become entangled with someone) and the thought occurs to us. We saw this example last week when we talked about synchronicity. Suddenly I’m thinking of a friend for no reason. The phone rings. It’s the friend on the line.

Thoughts often have a way of bothering us. We may not want to think particular thoughts but in they come, invited or not. We can be so disturbed by them that we become distressed; we want to run away from them; or we yearn to fall asleep. Sleep may be acceptable at bedtime, but not in the middle of the day. What are we to do? Where’s the on/off switch?

There are no muscles, like those that control our bladders, that turn on and off thoughts. But, we can be with them in such a way that they are there without causing us any distress or interest at all. That’s what we do in meditation. When we focus on the breath, thoughts rise and fall away, but we pay no attention to them. In the beginning, we can nod to each one as it appears by saying, “Thought,” and then return to focusing on the breath. After awhile, we don’t feel the need to make this acknowledgement. We simply allow them to do what they do without showing interest, or interacting, or reacting to them. After a few minutes, the space within us grows bigger; we become calmer and more centered. The thoughts are still there, but they have receded into the background like wallpaper in a room that we’ve become accustomed to. We give them no notice and if asked, “What was that thought?” Well, we have no idea. So, in this way, we turn off thoughts.

Synchronicity

Posted on November 16, 2011 by Mary Slocum

A couple of weeks ago, the topic of my blog was intuition. I talked about how tapping into it is an excellent practice to cultivate helping us make connections, cultivate insight, and invite understanding of ourselves and our world.

Today, I would like to carry the conversation forward and focus on our interconnectedness.

All of us have experienced the coinciding of a thought or feeling with some outside event. These kinds of coincidental connections are meaningful yet they have no cause or effect. A common example described is when out of nowhere we think of a friend or a visual of that friend suddenly pops into our head; then, the phone rings. On the other end is that very friend. This communication, this use of intuitive wisdom, this flow of information is without cause. Nothing has happened other than a feeling, a thought, or a picture rising to our consciousness and, at the same time, the friend calling. And, yet surely this has risen out of some need for meaning or connection.

Carl Jung, the psychoanalyst, coined the term synchronicity to describe this phenomenon, calling it the “acausal connecting principle” linking mind and matter. He believed that such occurrences grow out of some psychic need. Long before Jung, in the ancient traditions, the same principle had been observed and named. The Buddhists, for example, talk about auspicious coincidences in which happenings awaken us to our true selves and world.

Some scientists see a theoretical grounding for synchronicity in quantum physics and in the mathematical field of fractal geometry. Physicists have shown experimentally , for example, that if two photons are separated, no matter by how far, a change in one creates a simultaneous change in the other.

These phenomena raise the question whether the separation of things is more apparent than real. Those of us that work with our intuitive intelligence see evidence every day that everything is connected, at all levels, and all we have to do is tap into this flowing, always changing, web of connectedness to receive understanding, clarity, and balance.

Can you remember such a moment in your life where suddenly without cause a thought or felt sense about someone or something rose up in you and that person, thing, or “aha” understanding connected with you? How did that feel? Wondrous? Spacious? Exhilarating? Clear and connected? Calm and yet energized? Probably a mixture, if not all, of these. That’s the power of intuition and synchronicity.

The Power of A Smile

Posted on November 9, 2011 by Mary Slocum

Do you know that a smile affects your overall well-being? That we smile even as we grow in the womb? And, that children smile four hundred times a day? When faced with suffering, smile even if it hurts and keep smiling. Very soon a real smile will spread across your face and and your heart will open. Check out this delightful Ted Talk by Ron Gutman. (If the embedded video does not appear in your mobile device, you can find Ron’s Ted Talk on the web here.

Do You Hold Your Breath?

Posted on November 1, 2011 by Mary Slocum

Holding the breath is a response to fear, confrontation, a traumatic event, or being startled. It occurs in the freeze response; that last ditch tactic for staying alive when fight or flight has failed us. So why would we hold our breath when reading our email? Is it that we fear what’s there? Do we feel threatened? Do we believe we can’t fight it or run away?

In this article Linda Stone talks about this breathing malady she calls email apnea. It’s a good read. I recommend it. But I wouldn’t stop there.

Just as email may stop the breath, so too can any other perceived threat, especially if the nervous system is holding onto energy mobilized by earlier real or perceived threats. These can be as varied as an appointment with the dentist, a near miss on the freeway, or the rumor that your company is about to do a workforce reduction. Holding the breath or shallow breathing is a sign that our nervous system needs regulating; it needs to release the fight or flight energy stored in muscle and fascia. So it’s a good thing to notice the breath often. If you find yourself holding your breath or breathing shallowly it is a signal to consciously breath in and out deeply from the belly or heart several times until you sense a shift, a calming sensation in the body.

As the ancient yogis knew perfect breath is perfect health.

A Life of Immersion – Jacqueline Novogratz

Posted on October 25, 2011 by Mary Slocum

A beautiful thing about the Web is that it brings our interconnectedness to a new level of intimacy even with people whom we have never met. Stumbling on extraordinary people, things, and places on the web is one of the little pleasures of life. One day I came across a Ted Talk called Inspiring a Life of Immersion by Jacqueline Novogratz. Jacqueline talks about celebrating what’s beautiful, integrating wisdom and spirit, and going beyond our fear to be visible to one another and to live a life of immersion.

If the video does not appear on your mobile device click here to watch it on the web. Jacqueline is the founder and CEO of the Acumen Fund and has written a best-selling memoir called, The Blue Sweater: Bridging The Gap Between Rich and Poor in an Interconnected World.

The Intuitive Mind

Posted on October 18, 2011 by Mary Slocum

The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. —Albert Einstein

When I was younger, I neglected my intuition. Working hard to make it in what, at that time, was a predominantly male profession, I rebelled at anything with a perceived pejorative label. “That’s just your female intuition,” the subtext of which was, “You’re a woman; you can’t possibly think logically,” was one. I was not alone; women, like me, everywhere were doing the same.

Meanwhile, men, repelling the notion that anything with a feminine label, like intuition, could be of any use in their experience of the world or fearing that they might be shunned by colleagues friends, and family, also rejected it.

So, in the large, intuition was shunted off to a forgotten corner of experience. But, not by all. Many scientific and artistic types continued to use it to gain insight and reach the breathtaking “aha” of discovery. They, like Einstein, cultivated its use and honed their ability to meld the powers of the rational and analytical with the wisdom of the intuitive. Thank goodness; revelation and discovery continued.

We don’t need to be physicists, mathematicians, or artists, to use our intuition to our benefit. Our intuition is our innate, inner wisdom. It is knowing without knowing why. Using our intuitive knowledge, we can make better decisions, reach deeper understanding, experience our world more richly, heal, and reside more fully in balance.

Some believe that some have it and others don’t. We all have it. Intuition is baked into everyone of us. We can choose to use it or not. We can develop it just like we develop our powers of analysis. Intuition is like a sense; from a stimulus we experience something: a sight, a sound, a taste, a texture, a fragrance. And, just as our five senses guide and advise us, so does our intuition. Some call intuition the sixth sense.

This week tune into your intuition. Become aware. Be open to its many forms, but don’t get too hung up about it. Here are a few ways we generally experience it without any effort:

A gut feeling in the belly about something or someone;
A deja vu experience in which you feel you have already witnessed an experience that is happening to you in the moment;
Having someone you are thinking about, call you in just in that instant, and quite possibly saying,”I was just thinking about you;”
On meeting someone for the first time, receiving important information about them, their personality or behavior. “Watch out for this person,” or “Get to know this person;”
A feeling, a knowing about something or someone, or some event;
Seeing colors, patterns or images that bring understanding or meaning.

Be gentle and open. Don’t try too hard. Intuition comes to us sometimes like a lighting bolt, sometimes like a soft breeze, and fades away just quickly. If you find yourself thinking hard, it’s probably just that, thinking. When intuition happens and you notice, jot down a few notes. What did it feel like? How did it come to you? What information did it give you? How did you act on that information? At the end of the week, go back to your notes, feeling the intuitive experience again through them.

Have a lovely time getting to know your intuition.

Living in Health

Posted on October 11, 2011 by Mary Slocum

Welcome to the practice of living in health. When the body/mind is centered, we enjoy health in all its aspects, physical, mental, and spiritual. When we are in balance we dwell in the spaciousness of our center and are one inside and out. When we are in harmony, we live easily in the present moment.

Living in health is a journey of discovery to our holistic selves, an interconnected body, mind, and spirit. We discover that when centered and still, we are also dynamic and ever changing. With this recognition, when we live in the moment, we live fully in awareness, experiencing through our unfettered senses.

Living in health is a journey of transformation. Health relies on energy conversion at all levels of our being. Blocked and restricted energy pathways impede communication, change, and synchronization leading to malaise and ill health. By fully reconnecting these pathways, we enable transformational healing.

Living in health is a journey of wonder, happiness, and peace. These are the gifts we enjoy in the moment and share with all beings along the way.

Each week in this space you will find a topic devoted to the health of the body/mind. I invite you to the practice of living in health and welcome your frequent visits.

The Centered Body Mind

Author Archives: Mary Slocum